Thursday, October 13, 2011

Baby, this One Time I'm writing about Justin Bieber

'Justin Bieber' photo (c) 2011, Adam Sundana - license: know that I primarily write about things like faith and family and friendship and the tension and joy that can exist in those relationships, but what you may not have known is that I dedicate a large portion of my writing time to figuring out ways to influence you about one Justin Bieber.

I know that it may not seem that way at a first glance. While reading through the 200-something posts I've posted on my blog this year, you might notice that Justin Bieber was mentioned exactly one time in small, almost unreadable font. But don't let that fool you. The Bieb, as I like to call him, has been mentioned constantly in ways that no one except for the very perceptive machines at Klout have been able to pick up.

Before we go any further, I must say that Klout is the most important thing on the internet. I know this because Michael Hyatt, chairman of Nelson Publishing (the largest Christian book publisher in the world), needed to unfollow everyone on his Twitter list so his Klout score could improve. So you understand the gravitas of this whole Klout thing.

Now, on to the ways that I have influenced you about Justin Bieber without actually having ever written about him directly prior to today. I know that sharing subliminal messages defeats the purpose, but because I strive to be authentic and real here on the blog, I feel like it's time to come clean about this.
  1. Hair. Even if you don't know who Justin Bieber is, you probably know that it has something to do with hair. Is he some virtuoso hair stylist? Possibly. All I know is that I've mentioned that I have hair before on my blog, so clearly I'm influencing you about Bieber in those moments.
  2. Music. I love to talk about music. Now, no band that I'm a part of has ever performed a Justin Bieber song. This does not matter. I love music. Therefore I love Justin Bieber. You at least tolerate my writing about music. Therefore you have been influenced about Justin Bieber. (I took a college course in logic and I don't really get how that works, but I can't deny Klout.)
  3. Words. I use words every time I write a post. Justin uses words every time he writes a top forty hit. Almost every single word of "Never Say Never" has appeared on my blog (Tower - now I'm pretty sure it's ALL of the words.). 
I'm sure there are other ways that are mysterious even to me, but I don't expect to be fully able to mine the depths of what Klout knows.

Just in case you were unconvinced that I have influenced you about Justin Bieber, I want to share these testimonials with you:

Bieberiffic, people. I think that sums it all up.


Now that you know, I would love it if you would go and give me +K on Justin Bieber. I don't think anything would make me happier today than to be the most sought after Bieber expert on all of Klout. Let's make this happen. And please, let me know how you have influenced me. Or at least how Klout says that you have influenced me. (I will also happily give you +K in any area that you'd like.)


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