Friday, August 12, 2011

MINE! by Holli

You got to meet Holli a few weeks ago when I posted over at her blog and I'm so happy that she's returning the favor today! I absolutely love her sense of humor and her writing style and I think that you will as well.

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MYYYYY baby. MYYYY milk. 

I have a two-year-old. A two-year-old who has recently discovered the possessive pronouns and feels the need to use them in every situation. Except, strangely, nothing is ever “yours” or even “ours”. It’s always “mine”. 

Yesterday, a friend came over with her 16-month-old. I had high hopes of my friend and I, eating chocolate chip muffins and drinking coffee, having deep conversations while we watched our children play adorably in the adjacent playroom. Instead, my daughter chose to invoke the possessive. Everything the poor little dude touched was summarily yanked away and declared “MINE”. Eventually, my daughter was so burdened with all the things she was carrying to keep them away from him that she fell down.

I’m not going to lie to you, readers of dear Alise’s blog. Although you don’t know me from Adam and you might indeed believe this, I’m not going to tell you that at that moment I was feeling particularly philosophical or metaphorical about the situation. I mostly was pissed that my coffee was getting cold while I tried desperately to find a toy that Little Dude could play with without my daughter getting all Hoarders on us.

But as I sat down to write this guest post, I was struck by the beauty of it all. You see, I am just the teeniest bit Type A. I have daily plans, weekly plans, five-year plans. When I see something that fits beautifully into my plan, I grab it. No matter if it’s still the right thing for me, I take it and try to keep it from someone else. It’s mine
'Sailor releases a weather balloon on fantail aboard USS John C. Stennis.' photo (c) 2011, Official Navy Page - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
It makes sense, doesn’t it? When you really want something, you have to protect it from the world. You have to grab onto it and hold until your knuckles hurt, or it might slip away. Except… if it’s going to slip away, it’s going to do that no matter how hard you hold on to it. 

Recently I found out my job, which I really enjoy, is in jeopardy over the next twelve to eighteen months. I’m getting a new boss who may or may not like me and my work, and it’s possible my office will be shut down entirely. Either way. This was not in my five-year plan. What about when I was supposed to get pregnant with my second child in 2012 and go on maternity leave at a completely appropriate time in our company’s financial cycle? Did no one consider this in their planning?  

I have been hanging onto this job, the stress of it, the stress of all my other co-workers’ worries, the financial implications, and the implications on who I might be without this job, until earlier this week, just like my daughter, I fell down. I sat in my office on Monday, sobbing and unable to do what I was there to do. Luckily, I had enough vacation days (and understanding co-workers) that I was able to take the rest of the week off. To pry my knuckles off of all this and realize that God’s going to make it what it is. What it needs to be. And no matter how hard I hold on to it all, it’s not really mine. It never was.

I just ordered a bracelet on Etsy. It should be here this weekend. It says simply, “Show up and let go.” It’s going to be my mantra for the rest of this year. Now if I could only teach it to my daughter. 


What is something that is hard for you to release? 

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Holli (or as she is known on her blog, A Wondering Spirit, the Great Askini) is a 30-something accountant, wife, and mother, living in Central Kentucky, and attempting to revive her creative side through blogging. Her blog focuses on life and how to improve it, which sometimes includes photography, parenting, creative writing, getting her eating under control, style, exercise, faith, and occasional generalized bitching. She also attempts to fulfill her dream of being the next Dear Abby every Wednesday with her Wondering Wednesday advice column. You can follow her on Twitter at @thegreataskini.

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