Quotes from Judge Reinhardt's Majority Opinion on Prop 8

"We do not celebrate when two people merge their bank accounts; we celebrate when a couple marries." ~page 39

"The court found, among other things, that (1) marriage benefits society by organizing individuals into cohesive family units, developing a realm of liberty for intimacy and free decision making, creating stable households, legitimating children, assigning individuals to care for one another, and facilitating property ownership; (2) marriage benefits spouses and their children physically, psychologically, and economically, whether the spouses are of the same or opposite sexes; (3) domestic partnerships lack the social meaning associated with marriage; (4) permitting same-sex couple to marry would not affect the number or stability of opposite-sex marriages; (5) the children of same-sex couples benefit when their parents marry, and they fare just as well as children raised by opposite-sex parents; (6) Proposition 8 stigmatizes same-sex couples as having relationships inferior to those of opposite-sex couples; (7) Proposition 8 eliminated same-sex couples' right to marry but did not affect any other substantive right they enjoyed; and (8) the campaign in favor of Proposition 8 relied upon stereotypes and unfounded fears about gays and lesbians." ~page 18


"A law that has no practical effect except to strip one group of the right to use a state-authorized and socially meaningful designation is all the more 'unprecedented' and 'unusual' than a law that imposes broader changes, and raises an even stronger 'inference that the disadvantage imposed is born of animosity toward the class of persons affected.'" ~page 46


"A preference for the way things were before same-sex couples were allowed to marry, without any identifiable good that a return to the past would produce, amounts to an impermissible preference against same-sex couples themselves, as well as their families." ~pages 71-72

"By emphasizing Proposition 8's limited effect, we do not mean to minimize the harm that this change in the law caused to same-sex couples and their families. To the contrary, we emphasize the extraordinary significance of the official designation of 'marriage.' That designation is important because 'marriage' is the name that society gives to the relationship that matters most between two adults. A rose by any other name may smell as sweet, but to the couple desiring to enter into a committed lifelong relationship, a marriage by the name of 'registered domestic partnership' does not." ~page 37


"In order to explain how rescinding access to the designation of 'marriage' is rationally related to the State's interest in responsible procreation, Proponents would have had to argue that opposite-sex couples were more likely to procreate accidentally or irresponsibly when same-sex couples were allowed access to the designation of 'marriage.' We are aware of no basis on which this argument would be even conceivably plausible. There is not rational reason to think that taking away the designation of 'marriage' from same-sex couples would advance the goal of encouraging California's opposite-sex couples to procreate more responsibly." ~page 60

"All that Proposition 8 accomplished was to take away from same-sex couples the right to be granted marriage licenses and thus legally to use the designation of 'marriage,' which symbolizes state legitimization and societal recognition of their committed relationship. Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationships and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples. The Constitution simply does not allow for 'laws of this sort.'" ~page 5

You can read the full majority opinion here.

John Piper's Consistency

Last week, John Piper gave a talk at a pastor's conference where he said that God gave Christianity a masculine feel. Needless to say, a number of people, women and men alike, took issue with these statements. The blogosphere was alight with posts about why his statements are wrong, how they hurt women, and how they give an incomplete view of God.

I absolutely support these posts. When a portion of the Body of Christ is marginalized, it's important to stand up and say, "No, you shouldn't do that." I am thankful that more and more people are standing up for women in the world and especially in the Church. Each time I hear a prominent male leader say, "Women can't do this," I'm hearing more and more voices responding, "Yes, they most certainly can."

I wish I was surprised by John Piper's comments, but ultimately, I'm not. This is the same man who, two and a half years ago, said that a tornado that went through Minneapolis was a sign from God that the ELCA was in trouble for approving sin by allowing the ordination of gay and lesbian ministers.

That comment had significantly less push-back.

John Piper believes that his stance on both of these issues is biblical. He can easily point to verses that support his views both about the roles of women and about homosexuality. I am certain that he would say that he hates neither women nor the LGBT community and that his statements are strictly about maintaining the integrity of the Bible.

The thing is, if we allow one part of the Body to be marginalized and dehumanized, we open the door for others to experience the same thing. 

When we don't stand up for gays and lesbians in our churches, we are saying that they don't matter.

When we encourage our congregations to vote against rights for gay and lesbian couples or workers or students, we are saying that they aren't worth as much as straight people.

When we make jokes at the expense of gay people, we create a circle and put them clearly on the outside.

It can be easier to get riled up when we see an injustice being done to half of the Church. It's much harder when we don't even know if our congregation even has any gay people. (Hint? It definitely does.) Why stick our necks out for a group that is so small? Why risk the backlash of standing up for a group that has largely abandoned the Church?

John Piper has been consistent with his statements that are exclusive. My challenge today is to make sure that I am equally consistent in my statements to be inclusive.

Repost: Who's the Bully Now?

Bullying hits very close to home for me as a mom. And the Christian treatment of the LGBT community hits close to me as a friend. The bill that this post references was changed to exclude the religious exemption. But bullying of the LGBT community continues to happen regularly in the Church. I'm thankful for those who speak out against this behavior and will continue to add my voice to the chorus.

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They're at it again.

On November 2, an anti-bullying bill was passed in Michigan that had some last minute changes put in it. Once again, people who have chosen their lifestyle are asking for special privileges that will, almost certainly, make other people uncomfortable. Families will have to have difficult discussions with their children. Some may even feel like they need to pull their children out of schools because this group felt the need to strong-arm language into this bill.

Yes, before the bill was voted on, the Senate Republicans in Michigan added language to Bill SB 137 that made an exception for bullying that was a result of a "sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction."

Oh wait. You probably thought I meant the gay folks.

See, when you frame it that way, it sucks to be on the other side. Yet this is how many in the Church have framed nearly all conversations regarding LGBT rights.

We talk about choice of lifestyle. We talk about how it affects our children. We talk about special privileges. We talk about agendas.

All the while ignoring that religion is a choice. That our actions affect LGBT kids and the kids of gay and lesbian parents. That religion is a protected class. That we have our own agendas that we want to promote.

And we forget that we're to consider others as better than ourselves.

We have a word for people who use their power to push around those who are in a position of weakness.

I don't know about you, but I don't want my religious convictions to be an excuse to be a bully.

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Have you ever been the target of bullying? Have you ever been the bully? Have you ever reconciled with the person that bullied you/that you bullied?

Post at Provoketive.com

I'm back at Provoketive today, this time with a featured article!

You might be surprised to find out that I oppose gay marriage.

Recent comments by presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann have stirred up the discussion about gay marriage once again. While speaking to a group of high school students, she said that gay people could get married, just not to someone who was the same sex. “They (same-sex couples) can marry a man if they’re a woman. Or they can marry a woman if they’re a man.” 

Later she went on to add that “there are no special rights for people based upon your sex practices. There’s no special rights based upon what you do in your sex life.” 

And there it is; the reason why I oppose gay marriage.

Head on over to Provoketive to read the rest of my post and to share your thoughts.

Strong

You have probably seen the Rick Perry ad talking about gays in the military and our Christian president's war against religion and the left's hatred of praying children or something like that. I don't know. I watched it once, hurled some profanity at my cat, and then ate an orange and felt better.

Honestly though, thinking back over it, one of the things that is most annoying to me about the ad is the title: Strong. There is a statement near the end that faith has made America strong. But how that ties into what Governor Perry mentions isn't really how I picture strong faith.

Instead I think about my friend Billy and his work with Nuru International. That group of Christians decided that just having faith didn't mean much if they didn't put feet to it. I love that they have been motivated by their faith to improve the lives of thousands of people in Africa. This is strong.

I think of the women who started The Good Woman Project, teaching women to embrace every part of what it means to be a Christian woman (and yes, they mean EVERY part). Through stories and mentoring, they are giving women an opportunity to be real, honest, and good. This is strong.

I think of all of the amazing people who contributed to Not Alone. These folks refused to allow the stigma of depression dictate their ability to share their stories. Rather than fear and isolation, they chose to be public with issues like substance abuse, sexual abuse, self-abuse in order to allow others to find healing. This is strong.

I think about friends dealing with terminal diseases. Parents of children with disabilities. Children who have endured abuse. People going day after day to a job that doesn't really fulfill them. All of them reacting with grace and dignity. This is strong.

Strength is found in building people up. Strength is found in sharing our burdens. Strength is found in working together.

Faith isn't about making America strong, it's about recognizing our weaknesses and allowing God to use us anyway.

This is strong.

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

~Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV

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Who are some people who are strong in your life? What do you do that makes you strong?

Who's the Bully Now?

They're at it again.

On November 2, an anti-bullying bill was passed in Michigan that had some last minute changes put in it. Once again, people who have chosen their lifestyle are asking for special privileges that will, almost certainly, make other people uncomfortable. Families will have to have difficult discussions with their children. Some may even feel like they need to pull their children out of schools because this group felt the need to strong-arm language into this bill.

Yes, before the bill was voted on, the Senate Republicans in Michigan added language to Bill SB 137 that made an exception for bullying that was a result of a "sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction."

Oh wait. You probably thought I meant the gay folks.

See, when you frame it that way, it sucks to be on the other side. Yet this is how many in the Church have framed nearly all conversations regarding LGBT rights.

We talk about choice of lifestyle. We talk about how it affects our children. We talk about special privileges. We talk about agendas.

All the while ignoring that religion is a choice. That our actions affect LGBT kids and the kids of gay and lesbian parents. That religion is a protected class. That we have our own agendas that we want to promote.

And we forget that we're to consider others as better than ourselves.

We have a word for people who use their power to push around those who are in a position of weakness.

I don't know about you, but I don't want my religious convictions to be an excuse to be a bully.

+++++++++++

Have you ever been the target of bullying? Have you ever been the bully? Have you ever reconciled with the person that bullied you/that you bullied?

Sexuality and Sex are Different (even for the gays)

I was going to let DADT's demise slip by without writing about it. I was thrilled to see it lifted, but aside from waving farewell, I didn't really have much to say about it. In 1993, it was better than screening for gays, but when the policy only punished those who told and not those who asked, that's pretty flawed. And also, the whole lying thing seemed bad. And losing thousands of soldiers who have been trained and served honorably is stupid and wasteful. With it passing, none of that mattered. I was just happy to see it go.

But this morning I clicked on a video that I couldn't leave without comment.

Regarding the booing, I know there will always be jerks out there and there will always be people willing to call to task "their" people when they behave badly. I'm quite sure my conservative friends will be condemning the booing of anyone in the US Military. I'll catch the folks on the left who do the same. It's tremendously upsetting, but that shit is best  dealt with in house.


I am not, however, going to let Mr. Santorum's statement go without comment. Because it speaks to a much larger, more common problem than booing a soldier.


Mr. Santorum said, "I would say that any type of sexual activity has absolutely no place in the military."


You know what Rick? I agree.  And you know what else? Don't ask, don't tell had absolutely nothing to do with that in any way. 


Removing DADT did not give all of the gays and lesbians a free pass to go out and start bonking every soldier that they find attractive. 


Of course, Mr. Santorum knows this. But once again, he confuses the idea of sex and sexuality when it comes to LGBT folks. For some reason, when we talk about gays and lesbians, it's all about the sex. 


When we think about a straight married couple, we don't jump to that. We'll think about weddings, kids, jobs, dinners around the table, sitting on the couch together watching American Idol, coffee shared on a porch swing. You know, the stuff married people do 23 & 1/2 hours every day.


Think of a married gay couple and immediately it's about what they do in the bedroom. Rick Santorum laid it out pretty plainly here, but it's everywhere.


We don't want them to flaunt their sexuality (because if we see a straight couple holding hands, we immediately think of them doing the nasty, right?). We don't hate gay people, but we don't approve of their behavior (and since we probably don't care about the behavior of buying nice shoes, we likely mean the sex stuff). We swoon over Bridges of Madison County and balk at Brokeback Mountain (even though they're both tremendously boring movies about adultery). It's about sex. Sex, sex, sex.


But you know what? It's really not.


Lifting DADT simply means that everyone gets to be honest about the person they love back home. So the straight lady gets to show off pics of her husband and their kids. The gay guy gets to talk about his partner's new business venture. No one is obligated to say anything, but they don't have to be afraid of losing their job. They get to be more than SEX. They get to be husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends. They get to be people who are excited about their loved one's new pet or a new job opportunity or a new home purchase. They get to miss the person they love.


Maybe we can get some applause going for that.

God Hates Fred

I'm a fan of the Never Beyond campaign over at People of the Second Chance. I love the way they encourage folks to pour out grace to those who most would write off as being outside of its reach.

What a beautiful, heroic idea!

I started thinking about it. Who do I look at and think, "You know, if there's a hell, that guy is there for sure." And I realized there was one person that I hate an awful lot. One person that I am pretty sure has used up every single one of his seventy times seven chances. One person who is not is not just preaching a back-handed message of hate, but has a whole site devoted to hate. Not just devoted to hate, but with hate in the domain name.

Fred. Phelps.

Really, I can't think of anyone that I like less than this pastor. He gained mainstream notoriety when he started protesting the funerals of soldiers in 2006, but he and his family/church had been protesting funerals for years, most notably the funeral of Matthew Shepard in 1998. He has, time and again, befouled the Christian moniker. I read through his biography on Wikipedia, watch documentaries about him, and truly, I can't find anything about him that I can admire. And I can usually find some redeeming quality about most people, even folks I don't care for very much.

In my mind, he is pretty much the embodiment of one who is not worthy of any more chances. He scoffs at any hint of gentleness or compassion. He teaches children, those who are the most accepting among us, that hatred is a virtue and that love is weakness. At every turn, his rights are protected while those he speaks about with such vitriol are struck down time and again.

How do I find grace for this person? Because honestly, I'm not interested in extending grace. I see him or a family member being interviewed on a news show or in a podcast and all I can think is, "Why are you trying to reason with these people? Why are you giving them a platform? They are just media whores. They will never change."

And in my heart, up goes the big banner declaring "God Hates Fred."

Suddenly I'm stopped cold.

Because I know that God doesn't hate Fred any more than he hates any of the people that Fred claims that God hates. God looks at Fred Phelps and sees a broken, hurting, messy guy who puts conditions on God's love, just like me. God looks at Fred Phelps and sees a person who is more interested in being the center of attention and uses God as a prop to make that happen, just like me. God looks at Fred Phelps and sees someone who needs to know that he is loved, just like me.

And if God's love is big enough for Fred Phelps, then it's big enough for me.

It's big enough for all of us.

It Gets Better. And Worse. And Then Better Again.

I love the It Gets Better campaign from Dan Savage. I love that LGBT kids (or really any kids) can know that even in the midst of awful bullying, there is hope out there. That there are folks who are like them, and even folks who aren't, who care about them and want to see them make it. Seeing how people have survived middle school and high school and are now succeeding in life can be a really important reminder that when things seem bad, there is hope. Life gets better.

Only, you know, sometimes it doesn't.

There are brighter days, but there will probably be some darker days too. Life is full of loss, love, delight, pain, hurt, discovery, boredom, desire, fun. It's not a graph that has a steady incline, it's a jumbled mess of ups and downs that never stays the same way for very long.

So yes, if things are really bad right now, they will get better. And then they'll probably get bad again. And then better again. And right now, in the midst of the bad, know that there's Someone good who will be with you in all of the ups and downs.

(This was inspired by the following piece from Radiolab. Started listening to this podcast when I run, but heard this one in the car and it took my breath. Taken from David Eagleman's brilliant book Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives. Seriously, don't click away from this page without listening, because it is gorgeous. The piece starts at about 1:30.)

With All Due Respect

"If you're not first, you're last!" 

~Ricky Bobby on what happens when you wait a week to publish a current events post

One of Jason's most favorite movies is Talladega Nights. We talk in movie quotes an awful lot around here and this movie is probably in the top 10 of quote suppliers. Ricky Bobby is just a fantastic character.

In one scene, Ricky Bobby is having an argument with the team owner. At some point in the exchange, Ricky says, “With all due respect,” and then proceeds to say something completely disrespectful. He operates in a world where as long as he prefaces the offensive things that he’s about to say with the words “with all due respect,” one has no right to be offended.

This exchange is funny because A) Will Ferrell is a bit of a comic genius and B) it is absolutely ridiculous on its face. Of course saying “with all due respect” doesn’t make what follows respectful. It’s just plain silly.

Except the Church does this to the LGBT community all. the. time.

Last Sunday Believe Out Loud asked a number of sites to run the following advertisement:

One site that was offered the opportunity to run the ad was Sojourners, a progressive Christian site. They opted not to run the ad, citing it as being controversial and outside of their focus. Progressives, who are their primary audience, were not impressed, considering the only thing in the ad that is controversial is that, you know, it’s about gay people.

On Monday, Wallis issued a statement, explaining in greater detail why Sojo chose not to run the ad. And in the process, at least to me, pulled a total Ricky Bobby move.

In point two he wrote:

Sojourners has also encouraged churches to be welcoming of all people, regardless of race or ethnicity, gender, age, disabilities, religious background or denomination, or sexual orientation.

And then in point four he wrote:

Given the time Sojourners is now spending on critical issues like the imperative of a moral budget, the urgent need to end the war in Afghanistan, and the leadership we are offering on commitments like immigration reform, we chose not to become involved in the controversy that such a major ad campaign could entail, and the time it could require of us.

Do you see it?

The only spoken words in the ad are from the minister at the end where he says, “Welcome…everyone.” I’ve watched the ad a number of times and that’s it. It doesn’t make any statement about gay marriage or gay ordination or even that being gay is good. It strictly says that IF a gay couple comes to your church, welcome them. Which is what Sojourners claims that they encourage. Now, if you encourage churches to be welcoming, why is it controversial to run an ad where a minister encourages his congregation to be welcoming?

Unless maybe he’s pulling a Ricky Bobby and prefacing how he really feels with something that sounds like how he should feel. Because it’s easy to say that we need to be welcoming of the LGBT population in our congregations, but actually doing that while holding onto our “it’s an abomination” ideology is pretty difficult.

And I say that with all due respect.

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Do you ever find yourself pulling a "with all due respect"? What's your favorite quote from Talladega Nights?

My Big Gay Post

I’m Alise, and I affirm gay relationships.

This wasn’t something that I came to lightly. Rather, this has been a long journey that I have spent years waffling, thinking, studying, and praying about before finally coming to a decision.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought that being gay was a sin. It never made sense to me that being attracted to someone could be inherently wrong and nothing in the Scripture seemed to indicate that it was sinful. Everything seemed to be related to action rather than attraction, so I made my peace with it and just camped there for a long time. Of course, living in a small town and having no friends who were out certainly made it easier to simply not think about it and when I went to college any gay friends that I had were decidedly not Christian, so their sexual orientation didn’t really have any bearing on my theology.

And then things changed.

Tina helping me dye my hair at Camp Happy

My closest friend from high school was in a climbing accident that left her severely injured and which killed her best friend. And as we sat on the deck of her parents’ house, her covered in bruises with a broken eye-socket and grieving, she told me that her friend was more than simply a good friend. She had lost someone not only who she loved, but with whom she was in love. All of a sudden, everything that I knew about being a gay Christian was challenged.

For fourteen years I rolled this issue around in my head. I went online and talked to gay Christians who had no problem embracing their sexual orientation and their faith. I read articles and books about the difficult passages of Scripture that seem to condemn homosexual behavior. I examined nearly every avenue I could in trying to come to some peace, but peace would not be found.

If I came to the conclusion that homosexuality was not a sin, there could be a rift in relationships with a number of people – people who probably thought I believed the way I did on nearly everything else just to be contentious. I didn’t know how to look at a pastor and say, “I think you and most of your colleagues with years of biblical training are wrong about this issue.” I didn’t know how to tell my family, “Add this to the list of thing that I don’t agree with you about.” I didn’t know how to tell my kids, “You’re probably going to be told that homosexuality is a sin, but I don’t think it is.”

I could do this with things that affected me more directly. I could explain why I primarily vote Democrat and consider myself a liberal. I could carry on a discussion about why I accept theistic evolution and have a real problem with things like the Creation Museum. I could talk about social justice and the importance of caring for the poor. But gay stuff? Why would I put my neck out on the line for that? I’m a straight, married, stay-at-home mom of four. What’s the up-side to me not just supporting gay rights, but going one step further and affirming gay relationships in the Church?

Of course, if I came to the conclusion that homosexuality was a sin, there was only one person where there could be a relational shift. But that one person was important to me. She was a person with whom I had shared fake birthdays. She was a person who invented games with me. She was a person who had been my best friend during my unbearably awkward teenage years. And she was a person who wanted what I had – to share her life with someone that she loved.

I spent years agonizing over this.

And then it clicked.

God is love.

Tina and me at a friend's wedding

I want to make it more complicated than that, but that’s it. God is love. Two people wanting to share love is of God. John 13:35 tells us how we know we’re being disciples of Jesus – we love. Love isn’t something that needs to be fixed or healed or redeemed. It’s already the highest law. It’s what God created us to do.

There are other reasons why I’ve come to this conclusion (I highly recommend Jack Rogers’s excellent resource, Jesus, the Bible and Homosexuality for a more thorough examination of the Scriptures and history surrounding the issue), but the primary reason is because of love. So maybe I can change my opening statement just a little bit.

I’m Alise, and I affirm love.