Run For the Flies

This is my sixth week of running the Couch to 5K program. Granted, I'm only in the fourth week of the actual program, but progress is being made. My beautiful running shoes actually have a little bit of dirt on them from running out in public, off of the track a few times. I've found at least three places around town where I can go if the track is closed. The air was thick with no-see-ums today, so I've even eaten my first bug while running. My friend Jen tells me that I'm just one run in the rain away from being a full-fledged real runner. She wrote:

I think that means she's buying me a satin robe after I run in the rain, but maybe I misunderstood.

Anyway, it's been quite an adventure. Most days it's been good. Some days have been not as good. Some days have been downright bad. When it's a good day, I just want to dance around the house doing fist pumps. On my worst day, I came home and sobbed on my bed for about 20 minutes. I don't think you get satin robes on those days. 

What has been most surprising to me in these past six weeks is just how much support I've received from friends and family with this whole running thing. Three times a week I send out a tweet and a Facebook status update with my running info and three times a week, people faithfully comment on and like those tweets and updates. I keep thinking to myself, "Today is the day when no one will care," but in six weeks, I have not had a single time when someone hasn't added a bit of encouragement. 

One of my all-time favorite passages of Scripture is:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9, NIV)

A lot of mornings I think this to myself when I'm getting ready to go out. I don't know if running is exactly the "doing good" that Paul was talking about, but I think that the principle is still sound. But as I've been doing this and continue to get props every day, I've been thinking that it also applies to the amazing folks who have been encouraging me. I know that it can be tedious to see the same thing over and over and to keep supporting anyway. I tend to get easily bored with telling people that they're doing a good job. Once I've said it, I figure they already know it, so what good does it do to say it again? I'm so glad that others have a less selfish perspective!

Today my running harvest was a mouthful of flies. Your harvest was a blog post thanking you for your continued encouragement. Hopefully soon one of us will get a satin robe we can show off.

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What is something you're doing that you're proud of? Let us have an opportunity to give you a metaphorical satin robe!

Beware: Fat Girl Buying Running Shoes!

Even though I know you're not supposed to run with terrible shoes, I ran with terrible shoes my first time out. And while I knew that I was going to have some pain after running for the first time ever, I really didn't expect to be in that kind of pain. So my husband packed me into the car on Saturday afternoon and he took me to buy real running shoes. Like, that runners wear. When they run.

Now, in general, I don't mind shopping. I'm not like super girly about my desire to shop, but I don't hate it. And I do love shoes as evidenced by the vast quantities of footwear strewn about the house that belongs to me. And I hate being in pain, which was definitely the case after running on bad shoes. So one would expect that I would be stoked about this outing.

Yeah, except not so much.

See, I couldn't just walk in, pick up something, pay for it and walk out. I don't know anything about running and I really don't know anything about running shoes, so I was going to have to talk to someone about the best shoes for me. People who work at stores that sell running shoes tend to be athletic-type folks. I am a decidedly non-athletic-type. So this overweight, middle-aged mom was going to have to go and tell some kid who probably did an Ironman Triathlon last week that she needed running shoes. The imaginary laughter ringing in my head was absolutely deafening. I had visions of him pointing me next door (seriously, who designed this???) to the Great American Cookie Company. I mostly just wanted to cry and not do this.

For a long time I've put off any kind of exercise because I've just seen myself as too fat to work out. I've assumed that if I even suggested to someone that I'd like to get out and do something active, I would be met with eye rolls and jeers and snickers. Not because this has ever happened. Nope, it's just that the voices in my brain are downright mean. They like to tear me down and keep me from making positive changes. Depression, even when it's not full-blown, can have a voice louder than even me, and that is really something.

Anyway, when the salesperson came over, I rattled off that I needed help finding shoes because I was just starting the Couch to 5K program and I didn't have anything safe to run in and I don't know anything about shoes so just tell me what to do and I'll buy it. And you know? He didn't point and laugh. He didn't sullenly guesture the door with a look that said, "Seriously? Leave now." He didn't make any barnyard animal noises. He just congratulated me on starting to run and helped me find shoes that will help me stick with the plan. In fact, he helped me pick these shoes:

My Brooks Adrenaline running shoes

They are a dream. I love running on them. Well, at least to the degree that I love running, which is to say, enough to keep doing it for the seconds when I'm done and feel freaking awesome, but cursing the whole time while I'm actually doing it. Plus, they're purple and I do love purple.

And in that same "it has some really horrible and bad and hurting, but also some awesome" way, I love finding that, in order to change myself, I have to look to other people for help. I had to go to the store and pay for the shoes. But I needed help to get the right shoes for me. I have to get up and drive to the stadium and put my feet to the track, but I have a massive stack of people cheering me on.

I have to look at my fears and negative thoughts and say, "I'm not going to listen to you today," but I have a Heavenly Father who wants to drown out those bad voices with words like, "I rejoice over you. I dance over you. Come rest in my love."

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Are you facing any fears (real or imagined) that keep you from pursuing something good for you? How do you overcome those negative voices? What are your favorite shoes?




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The Day Running Didn't Kill Me

photo © 2006 Ian Burt | more info (via: Wylio)

As per yesterday's post, I decided to get started on the Couch to 5K program right away. I've read all the stuff about not worrying about the beginning of a week or month or whatever to start something, just start it. And since I'm loathe to be any more of a cliche than absolutely necessary, I decided I'd get moving.

Of course, starting this in the summer in the midst of a heat-wave means that I had to wake up EARLY this morning to get to the track as soon as it opened so I didn't collapse from heat bitchiness. (Yes, I know that real runners don't run on a track. But I live in WV with many, many hills and there's just no way I could do any part of this on the actual roads, not to start, anyway.) What follows is a detailed look at my first C25K morning. Enjoy.

• 5:45AM alarm: Why did I post this on my blog? People are expecting me to do this. I could be asleep right now. It's summer vacation for heaven's sake!
• 5:50 AM: Get dressed. Realize I can't find any ties for my hair. Raid the kids' silly band collection. Hope I find one that looks like a runner. Actually find one that I don't know what it is. 
• 6:00 AM: Tweet that I'm doing this. 
• 6:01 AM: Check to see if anyone has offered encouragement. Realize that it's flippin' six in the morning and most people are asleep. Like I want to be.
• 6:07 AM: Get to the track. Pray that no 16 year old hard-bodies are out there to laugh at me. Realize again that it's very early and all 16 year old hard-bodies are probably asleep. Stretch, based on clips of what I've seen on TV, not from any actual fitness information.
• Five minute warm up. Here we go. I have survived 20+ hours of labor at a time. I can do this for 27 minutes.
• First 2 minute run, beginning: What was I worried about? I'm a rockstar! I can totally do this!
• First 2 minute run, 13 second in: What the hell was I thinking? This is the worst thing I've ever done in my whole life.
• First 3 minute walk: The podcast guy is telling me that I should be breathing heavier, but should recover in the 3 minutes. I don't think that is going to happen. I'm pretty sure I will be breathing like this until sometime after lunch.
• Second 2 minute run: Already? Okay, I caught my breath, but...already?
• Second 3 minute walk: Oh, this is bad. I have to do this two more times. You know, if I quit now and just sat in the bleachers until the end of the podcast, I could pretend I'm awesome. No one is here. No one will know. I'll still be plenty sweaty to pretend that I did the whole thing.
• Third 2 minute run: *expletive deleted* Are my legs on fire because of the running or because the friction between my thighs is causing some kind of chemical reaction? *expletive deleted*
• Third 3 minute walk: I'm dying. I'm dying. I know Janet Oberholtzer does this with with one leg, but I'm not that strong. I'm just a fat old lady and I can't do this. I'm dying.
• Last 2 minute run: *many, many expletives deleted* Where are my effing endorphins???? I was told I'm supposed to get some kind of high from doing this!!!!! Why don't I feel high???? *many more expletives deleted*
• Cool down: Holy crap, I just did that. The sun is coming up over the trees and I kinda' want to cry because it's so beautiful. Is that what they're talking about? Cuz that's not the worst feeling in the world.
• 6:42 AM: Home. Wait, you mean I have to walk from my car to my house????

I survived. It was horrible and exhilarating and painful and empowering. I'm pretty sure I'll never be the runner that many of my friends are and that's okay. I'm not going to be skinny and that's also okay. But I can be a more fit and certainly happier version of me and that's VERY okay.

Have you started any new projects lately? Do you have a favorite Couch to 5K podcast? And if you're celebrating this achievement with me, maybe you could do so with a donation to Nuru for my birthday?