Winning Baby Dedication

This is a piece I wrote a few months ago after the baby dedication service at our church, but never ended up publishing. We can file this under the "I thought it was funny" category. I hope you get a giggle out of it as well!

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I know that parenting is a competitive sport to some, though it usually doesn’t start until the child is old enough to walk, talk or kick a soccer ball in any direction other than toward an unsuspecting window.  However, I recently saw this same competitive nature applied to the Baby Dedication. At our church when all of the parents and babies are up on stage, a microphone is passed among them and the parents have a chance to introduce themselves and their progeny. At a recent baby dedication, one of the fathers introduced his wife and his beautiful child. A little further down the line, a father introduced himself, his lovely wife and his beautiful daughter. Later, another father introduced his wonderful wife and his beautiful child who was only 17 days old.

Fortunately, the one-upmanship seemed to be limited to things like how amazing the family members are and how young the baby was. But then I started thinking about ways that parents might push the envelope a little too far.

Winning: The father waxes poetic about how charming his wife and child are.

Bi-winning: The father waxes poetic about how charming his wife and child are, and then throws the mic at the next set of parents, a la Eminem at the end of 8 Mile.

Winning: The mother schedules an induction the day before the baby dedication.

Bi-winning: The mother schedules a water birth in the church baptismal during the service.

Winning: The baby wears her great-grandmother’s antique christening gown.

Bi-winning: The baby wears a wig, full make up, and a sequined gown with 15 layers of tulle. At least, we’re pretty sure there’s a baby in there somewhere.

Winning: The parents sit in the front row so they can get a prime spot in the middle of the stage.

Bi-winning: The parents sit in the back of the church and ride a Segway to the front while Europe’s “The Final Countdown” plays.

Winning: The father mentions how strong his wife was during her long, difficult labor.

Bi-winning: The dad brings the birth video on stage to further illustrate his point.

Winning: The parents bring all of their children up on stage to share in the moment.

Bi-winning: The parents hire all of the Duggar children to go up on stage to share in the moment.

Winning: The parents keep the child quiet during the dedication using a pacifier.

Bi-winning: The parents keep the child quiet during the dedication using a taser.

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Have you ever seen parents compete during baby dedication? What is your favorite baby dedication story?

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